Part Un

So begins the story of Samual Harper the man who will one day assume the title of worlds greatest pirate. In me 17th year I was ambushed Hogs Head. If only the fool had known then that was such a foolish move he may have just let me join his crew. As it was Sammy here was forced into the fool captains service. Oh well anyways were where I? Yes that’s right. Our first morning on the Wurmwood I met the silly band of miscrients who would later become me adventure mates. They included a giant ogre, the crazy looking brute must’ev been damn near ten feet tall and the beast threw an anchor at people, I once saw him turn some no good blighter into organ paste. Also there was the alcoholic dwarf, funny looking fellow and the halfling, Lefty I was his name, Sammy called him that cause he had a hook for a hand. There was the strange looking metal man too, I swear the only thing he could do was walk, never saw a worse swimmer in me whole life. Oh there was also the cat, the shifty cat. Couldn’t ever trust the fellow. Anyway we had the pleasure of Captain Harrigan company, not that it was any pleasure the man was a level 15 eye sore. But oh Sammy boy knew he would get his. The man had only two rules, something like do what you’re told and don’t talk to me, very unsocial lad, never invited me for a beer or to play cards oh no, but he always had time for the sissy boy Plugg who always thought he was so tough with his whip and then Scourge. I got sidetracked.

First day good ole, Jack Magpie got caught trying to break into the quartermasters stores, irony right, fool with the name o’ magpie getting pinched whilst stealing. Anyway we got the pleasure of seeing the fool get himself keelhauled, bloody specticle that was. After that we spent a few days gambling the Ogre managed to win a pig tossing contest, why they were tossing pigs I never figured out. Somehow we got it in our heads that we would rob the store room, the first attempt didn’t even get us in the room.

The second attempt sadly less successful. Apperently Harrigan thought that surviving 15 years of piracy was a thing worth cheering about and threw a party, after I got pleasantly drunk and passed out, I was informed that Tinman, the ogre, the dwarf broke into the room, realized they couldn’t actually take anything, managed to get caught twice, knock out both people and leave them there. Afterwards without managing to grab a damn thing, worst thieves ever, the two hapless fools who caught them got keelhauled. Well one of idgets then became shark bait, Slippery was her name, she had friends who didn’t like us and neither did her friends ever invite us over to play cards, oh no instead they ambushed. Which was probably better, definatly more exciting that way. Needless to say the ogre and his ham sized fists were fun to watch. Eventually Plugg came over and yelled that we weren’t working. The four losers got cat o’ nine tailed, which was great to watch mind ye. Tinman got the shovel again, I think he was goin’ for a record of most days he fucked up his job, but this time he caught the shovel and tossed it overboard, so instead they threw acid in his face.

Because some fool of a crewman got scared by some rats we had to go to the bilge and play Willard, my got was it fun to watch the cat try to shoot a rat. Eventually he actually killed one, hehe you think that a cat would be better at killing rats.

After a week on the ship Plugg offered up a prize fight with a 100 gold to the winner. Owlbear Hartshorn verse all comers, Tin man bitch slapped the shit out of him. ‘Twas like watching a baby fight , well anything that could easily beat up a baby.

Next day the squeeze that I turned the dwarf onto got tossed overboard during a storm, it ‘twas a sad day watching her struggle with the current knowing she was goin’ ta die. Then the ogre jumped in and saved her and that was better to watch, the cat kept throwing rope at him and Tinman was trying to pull them in. All the while the dwarf whose bonnie lass was drowning did almost nothing.

Next week they tried to teach us how to board other ships, wasn’t that an abysmal failure. Only the cat was able to do it. Actually surprised me that the Tinman didn’t drown and how is Lefty supposed to climb a rope with a hook?

Few days later the fools that we got cat o’ nine tailed ambushed the ogre below decks, that was a delightful fight, the ogre’s anchor split those two like melons, oh the mess was unbelievable. Then wouldn’t you know it, he looted 4 gold from the two.

The very next day, we spot a ship on the horizon, oh this is the moment we all had been waiting fer. The Cat led the boarding party, and since we had all done so marvelously well in practice we decided to just jump from ship to ship. Except Tinman he had to find a board and walk. I managed to get caught in the wind and barely landed on the other ship, funny thing though, the dwarf didn’t even make it halfway, he kind of just fell in the water. Eventually we are on the other ship and then I really let loose, throwing ice shards of death and carving up the fools like a turkey, oh it was marvelous, no one could touch me. When all was said and done, the others even the ogre stood in awe of my power. Even the fool captain recognized how deadly and skillful I was and rewarded me with some kind of amulet.

We took the ship, and Harrigan got it in his head that captain wasn’t good enough and he wanted to be an admiral. So he put us and Plugg and most of the crew and told us to provision the ship get it fixed up.

Part Un

Pathfinder Skull & Shackles Campaign abomajon Cotton6